Thursday, February 14, 2013

Rollin' Around at the Speed of Sound: Majora's Mask part 9



 Link turns into a Goron by putting on the mask.  With this form he has greater strength, is impervious to fire, and most notably has the capacity to roll up into a ball.  Using his strength he finds a hot spring in the crypt of Darmani.  Putting the boiling water in a bottle, he thaws out an old goron who tries to teach him a song, but fails because he is to frail to perform under the intense winter conditions.  The old goron tells Link to go to the enclave of his people where a very annoying wailing is heard.  This wailing comes from a small child Goron who apparently has a voice that carries far and echoes throughout the mountain hollow.  Link performs what little of the song the elder managed to play which calms the small rock child person as he sings the rest of the song. The song is a lullaby that, when combined with the unbelievable acoustics of this enclave, knocks out everyone except Link.

   Link goes to the Snow Temple and using the lens of truth discovers a very large Goron is blocking the path and is blowing the cold stream of air.  Link plays the song and knocks out the Goron, allowing access to the temple that looks like something the Witch King of Angmar would build if he were an Eskimo 

   In this portion where I would describe the solving of puzzles and stuff if this were a tutorial, I will instead describe what the Witch King of Angmar would be like if he were an Eskimo   Think about it, he was a king of the north, so it wouldn't be entirely outside of the realm of possibility.  He would probably build large pointy structures out of ice and then would hunt walrus with his Nazgul pals.  Doing the nose thing that Eskimos do as a substitute for kissing would be a problem since the Witch King doesn't exactly have a nose and I don't believe his helmet with the creepy eyes and mouth accommodates for his lack of a nose either.  He would probably still have terrible luck with women given that they are the only ones who can kill him.  I can't help but imagine those Christmas ornaments with the penguins and the little Eskimo boy, and I just see the Witch King caroling with the little penguins on a block of ice.  This probably ruins the character for some people and I give my deepest apologies to J R R Tolkien, but if someone would be so kind as to make a children's story involving the Witch King as an Eskimo I would deeply appreciate that.

All that said, back to the story.


Link solves all the puzzles in the dungeon to come upon a large mechanical bovine thing frozen in a block of ice.  Using the fire arrows found in this temple, he melts the ice causing the bull to charge.  By using the ability to curl up and roll around, he proceeds to perform a Soviet Russia interpretation of the Running of the Bulls.  By chasing down the bull (I believe his name is Goht) in a manner similar to that inane blue hedgehog from another video game series that shall remain anonymous, Link slays the monster, takes its mask, and releases another giant.

He also restores spring and buys a powder keg.  Two things Punxsutawney Phil does annually.


Next up is the post I think we've all been waiting for. Even if you didn't think you were waiting for it, you totally were, and you just didn't know it yet.  Welcome to the ranch.

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